Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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