So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
