..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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