I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
