My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
