WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
