wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
