8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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