so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
