Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
