I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
