Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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