Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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