i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
where am i from again
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
