with your own penis?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
