I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
