It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
