I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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