i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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