omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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