haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
