why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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