Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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