R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
