Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
In America we eat man semen.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
