I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
