if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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