I look better un-naked...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
