She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
