i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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