I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
