Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
