Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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