Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
