I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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