I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
