Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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