I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dont even know how to be here
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
