i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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