my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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