my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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