My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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