I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They have beer where we have blood.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
