something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
