the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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