At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
