apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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