he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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