if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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