I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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