Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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