haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
