she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
