wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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